Speechless
by berrysck
Summary: A new curse has been casted and a diary discovered. In a weird present based on a forgotten past, Regina has to fight for Henry, for Storybrooke folks and, to her own surprise, for Emma's love.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Once Upon a Time. If I did, Swan Queen would be canon**

**AN: .The diary thing is based on "**_I never told you"_**, by **_B of Ericaland_**.  
><strong>**The story starts after New York Serenade.  
><strong>**This is not an AU, but some things are different than the show.  
><strong>**My english may fail in some moments because I'm brazilian, I'm sorry about that.  
>If you see something really wrong in the translation, please contact me so I can correct it!<br>****Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy.  
>- Berry.<strong>

* * *

><p>"I won't be right without you<br>and I might break without you. [...]  
>I'll write hit songs about you<br>No matter how we'll get throughI  
>'ll keep on singing for a living<br>but I wanna be in love  
>And I wanna be with you"<p>

* * *

><p><em>"February 24th, 2009<em>

_Regina has always been an enemy, and she made it pretty clear countless times. We fought so much, we did it for the pure joy of bothering each other, meaning that there wasn't always a plausible reason for it. However, she has changed , and so did I._

_She went through a lot of bad things. She lost her first love, her father, her mother. She has a clear conspicuous fault on the fact that I grew up without my parents, but still, the lack of a true familiar environment is something we can relate to. She is not The Evil Queen anymore, of course she tends to still act with an air of superiority, but that's just who she is. It used to drive me mad, but now it makes me..._

_Anyway._

_It was when she started teaching me how to control my magic that I noticed something was different. She asked me to concentrate and produce magic by focusing on one of my feelings - usually hate, pain or regret - but one day, I don't really know when, I started focusing on an entirely different feeling. I didn't know for sure what it was at first - at least I tell myself that - but time started passing, things started becoming crystal clear and now I know. I became more powerful because I focused on the feelings I had for her. And there is no point on denying it any further: **I'm completely, desperately and irrevocably in love with Regina Mills**. It is madness, I know, but I can't condemn such feelings. I don't condemn my feelings because she is a woman - she's a human above that. I don't condemn it because she tried to kill me and my family countless times - she had her reasons, also, I wasn't easy to deal with either. I don't condemn what I feel for knowing she will never look at me the same way I look at her. What I truly condemn is my lack of courage and luck.  
><em>_Lack of courage because I know I'll never be able to tell her how I genuinely feel.  
><em>_Lack of luck because I'm sure Pan will soon tear us apart._

_I'm scared.  
><em>_I'm afraid of losing her._

_However, how can I be afraid of losing something I never had?_

_With a tied heart, Emma."_

* * *

><p>One year ago, Pan casted a curse that washed over Storybrooke.<p>

Regina, the Charmings and the rest of town folks were all sent back to the Enchanted forest, while Emma and Henry were able to scape and make their way back to New York. Before the curse could destroy everything they once knew as their home, Regina was able to save Henry's fairytale book and another smaller one. She didn't pay much attention to the latest, but carried it with her anyway.

Regina sat in the bed of the castle that once belonged to Rumplestiltskin, holding in her hands the little unknown book before she decided to read it. As soon as she opened it, the first page stated "If you're not me, do not proceed, or I'll be obligated to kill you". Her eyebrow quirked and an amused smirk stamped her feature. Moved by curiosity and stubbornness, she proceeded page by page, realizing now that what she had in hands was full access to all of Emma Swan's secrets - Henry's biological mother, the Savior.

Dark orbs scanned every page, reading all the details Emma wrote down since her arrival in Storybrooke. In that little journal, the blonde blurted out her thoughts and opened up her heart and soul. She described nearly all the progress she and Regina made, the words weren't direct and precise on the matter, however, the Sheriff's writing showed that perfectly. Emma didn't refer to Regina as "bitch" or "intolerable" anymore, instead, she started using words like... baby. When the former Mayor reached the last pages, there were tears streaming down her cheeks. She let them fall freely, not bothering on hiding them. Once again, her blurred vision wandered over the last written words before Pan's curse was casted.

"I'm scared.  
>I'm afraid of losing her."<p>

Emma loved her.

And Regina had never been aware of that.

* * *

><p>Regina woke up with the sunlight invading the room, the journal settled above her chest. She took a moment to orient herself and the thought of last night's discovers was perfectly highlighted by her brain. She also remembered all the things she planned late in bed, after reading everything the other woman had written. The brunette hated herself for being so blind, she hated it took so long to find out about all of this, but those words were the perfect dose of reality and incentive she needed to keep fighting for her son - and now, who knows, someone else. She had a perfect plan in mind.<p>

She was going after Emma and Henry in New York, if it was the last thing she'd do.

The year without Henry was dark. The boy, when he left, took with him all the pleasure Regina had in living. She had countless nightmares and all kinds of pain - be it physical or psychological. Her heart, even blackened, still felt the pain of loss, and her mind was busy, constantly bringing back memories of Henry's face and embraces, and every time, the idea of going after him was present. Reading that journal caused a bulb to light up over her head.

As soon as the little book was closed, Regina recalled something important. Traveling between lands wasn't something easy: you either used magical beans or you counted on luck. Regina Mills isn't a lucky person, but on that day, she appeared to have been rewarded by life with a little bit of it. It was possible to open a portal to another realm once you had the perfect mix of magical substances followed by the right magical object, and what a better place to find it other than on the Dark Lord's own castle?

The potion was an easy first step, the problem was finding the correct object. It took her time and courage to go to the Imp's library, but once she did, the former Queen couldn't help but smile broadly and satisfied with the object settled inside a glass box: the chipped cup, a symbol of Belle and Rumple's love. Regina poured the potion into the remarkable piece and she brought it to her lips. As soon as the drink rolled down her throat, she dropped the tea cup on the floor and before it could shatter, a green light invaded the room. The portal was open, this was her chance. One last deep breath, she stepped forwards and let the force pull her down, clenching tightly to the little book.

* * *

><p>Regina opened her eyes.<br>She was in Storybrooke, in her bedroom, laying in the same bed she used to wake up for the past 28 years. The town was completely empty and abandoned. She didn't know how she got there, she believed Pan's curse had completely vanished it from Earth, but right now there was no time to waste on thinking about it, what mattered is that it worked just like she predicted it. She got up, put on one of her formal clothes and ran to the garage, pleased to find her Benz still looking brand new. In no time, due to no traffic and the high speed, she was approaching the town line. Her lips muttered silent prayers so there wouldn't be any vestige of the past curse and the total amnesia it caused. With her eyes closed, Regina pressed her foot further on the accelerator, the "You're leaving Storybrooke" plate now behind her for sure. She opened her eyes but she didn't dare looking back.

She still remembered who she was.

But most importantly, she knew exactly to where she was going.


End file.
